Why I Love BDSM Sex

Why I Love BDSM Sex And I’m Never Going Back

Sex for pleasure is a unique activity. There’s no other feeling on this earth quite like surrendering yourself to another human being and feeling that moment in which you’re both at your most vulnerable. It’s exhilarating, it’s incomparable, and to many people, it’s like a drug.

For years, this was enough for me. The simple act of being with someone in a sexual capacity satisfied me enough to not push any boundaries with my sexual partners. However, I always had this itch in the back of my mind; a little devil on my shoulder, who, as time went by, became more difficult to silence.

I had desires which felt taboo. I had kinks I wanted to explore, but the idea of mentioning them to anyone, let alone my partner, seemed daunting. What would they say when I told them I wanted to cane their backside until they were red raw? How would they feel when I told them I wanted to hurt them until they cried, but then hold them in my arms afterwards and tell them everything was fine, and that I was just acting out a fantasy?

I couldn’t, and instead, I kept my fetishes locked inside the deepest recesses of my mind where I thought they belonged. The only time I appeased them was in the privacy of my bedroom, alone. The fear of being misunderstood was too great a factor for me to risk.

Then I met someone who changed my outlook of BDSM entirely.

We began completely normal, but one night she mentioned in the heat of the moment that she wanted me to lightly choke her. She then asked me to do it harder, and if it reached the point where I was going too hard, she’d ask me to stop. After a few sessions of this forceful role play, I felt comfortable enough to confide in her. I told her about my desires to cane, spank, whip, choke. I told her I wanted to restrain her to a bed while I ran implements of torture down her back. I wanted to leave my mark on her in the form of bites and bruises. I wanted to put a leash around her neck and have her worship me like a slave.

And she told me this was all fine.

In fact, my kinks were common. Millions of people enjoy this type of play, it’s just that few people are willing to talk about it.

Our relationship then became something else entirely. Sex wasn’t just an act of pleasure anymore, it elevated to the status of something unexplainable. Our bare souls were exposed, our most depraved desires which we thought we could only access alone. The relief we felt after a session together was the equivalent of ten regular orgasms. Afterwards, we would lie in each other’s’ arms with cuts and bruises on our bodies, sweat on our foreheads and the mental high only achieved by class-A drug abuse.

But I didn’t need drugs. This was my drug, and this is the only drug I would ever recommend using.

Being open with my BDSM kinks not only allowed me the physical release I chased throughout my younger years, but it allowed me to open up as a person. I used to be reserved about my desires, even ashamed. But open communication with an understanding partner made me realise that there’s nothing to feel bad about. This is me. I’m not a bad person. These are simple fetishes which, many people believe, are rooted in childhood incidents. I’m not doing anything against anyone else’s wishes and I never would. I understand the difference between BDSM and abuse I would never cross that line. Why should I hide the real me?

BDSM continued to be a source of physical and emotional connection between me and partner, but I discovered I could use it to better myself. Me and my previous girlfriend sadly parted ways, but our experiences together taught me to open myself up to any future potential partners, which I have done ever since, and it turns out that most of them are very willing to indulge my desires providing we are open and honest with each other.

Using BDSM as sexual exploration and spicing up lovemaking is one thing, but for me, it soon became an outlet for other parts of my life. One particular partner I had requested I cane her to the point of agony in a particular field near where she lived. I obliged, and afterwards we returned home and she spent the evening crying in my arms. I asked her to tell me everything, and she confessed that she used the experience to come to terms with a traumatic childhood incident. She had stolen money from her parents and used it to purchase drugs which she then took in the same field. She had never mentioned it to anyone but had felt guilty about it for twenty years. This experience, she felt, was the only to address it.

Dealing with personal struggles is a common outlet for BDSM fetishists, as is stress relief and the power dynamic which comes with being both dominant and submissive. I’ve used it for all of these purposes and it has made me a much more well-adjusted individual in not just my sexual confidence, but every aspect of my life.

I’ve been involved in the fetish community for a number of years now, and I’ve been introduced to some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. The best dominants I know are deep, caring people who understand that BDSM is a two-way street. They understand this isn’t about abuse, inflicting unnecessary pain or a way to act out violent fantasies.

BDSM is a broad fetish and of course, isn’t just limited to physical acts. There’s no accurate answer why people turn to BDSM for personal or sexual fulfilment. Hell, a lot of people who partake in it aren’t even sure why they like it.

Different strokes for different folks, as they say. It’s just in this case, the strokes might be coming from the business end of a spanking cane.